March 5th, 2010
Today was a very hard day as usual… i woke up and didnt want to get out of bed… I wish things would get easier
March 5th, 2010
Hello… I am new to this blog.. i am a 26 year old girl suffering horribly with this disease.. It has been bad for the past 2 years but is getting so out of control that it is hard to get out of bed in the morning. I have been in one residentail treatment center with zero luck but am in an intensive outpaietn pogram right now and it is helping a little. This disorder all began when i was 18.. i was obsessed with being perfect.. i was in every sport, on the dance team, was very popular and considered very prett. To me this created tons of pressure and was very hard to live normal because i felt constant pressure to keep this image up..I am now 26 and have had botox injectoins to fix my wrinkles.. Then i got talked into getting juvederm under my eyes so i did, it looke great at first but the more i obssessed the more i hated it.. Then i really became obsessed.. So i was completely fixated on that and how i ruined my face.. I went to plastic surgeon after plastic surgeon and wanted it reoved.. i finally got it removed and of course i didnt like it out.. So i had to get it put back in and then once agin takin out… This is a constant viscious cycle… i am so sick of livig like this,,, I want my life back.. i would say i am probaly in the mirror for about eight hours a day..I am so obsessed with my appearance that i cant even function anymore.. i stare in the mirror for hours and find every flaw and then get so upset i cant even breathe.. i have completely isolated myself.. I do nothing, i dont grocery shop, barely eat, barely leave the house, i basicly just cry from disgusted about my looks. I am so ashame of myself that i dont want to be seen.. I have stopped doing everything that i use to enjoy. I do date but its only for short periods of time. i end up running after a few months becasue i dont want them to see my flaws and reject me. i also am scard of well light places a=so i avoid them at all costs. My life is out of control and i feel hopeless and dont know what to do.Can anyone relate? What can i do? I feel so lost and alone..
March 5th, 2010
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